Monsanto: Engineering consent. With the help of Monsanto automatic compliance products, even the most stubborn dissent can be silenced.
To: H. Grant, Chairman and CEO, Monsanto Corp.
CC: Board of Directors, Monsanto Corp.
Fm: Palmer Eldritch, Vice President for Research, Monsanto
Re: Great news!
Dt: April 1st, 2004
MONSANTO INTERNAL USE ONLY
As most of you know, Monsanto has spent several years working on
a Blue Skies R&D project to identify the genetic basis for
human resistance to authority. This has been highly speculative
work, and I know many of you have been impatient to see measurable
return from this investment.
Well, good news. I've just heard that the science boys up at the
Michigan research center have finally hit pay dirt! They've
isolated a gene they are calling "DISSENT."
The white coats at Mason had been testing a new Skepticism
Inhibitor on rats. The earlier versions of the Skepticism
Inhibitor, you'll remember, were applied to UK government officials
in order to speed the approval of GE crop planting, with ultimately
successful but unacceptably slow results.
Our team noticed that the sole significant reaction to the
inhibitors was occurring in a narrow band on Chromosome 19q69,
which is common to rodents and primates. After applying direct
radioactive, chemical and hormonal therapies to this area, they
presented the rats with a choice of natural and highly
synthetisized foods, and found that the critters lapped up every
morsel - including stuff they had been conditioned to avoid! Better
still, when the rats were not required to *choose* a food, their
stress levels dropped by 23 percent. In light of this, we've begun
plans to launch some quiet 'field testing' on human subjects.
(Please, before you raise the obvious ethical issue here, let me
assure you that none of this testing will be done on American
Obviously, these findings have huge implications for Monsanto.
Armed with products based on silencing of the DISSENT gene,
we finally have the chance to become the top purveyor of 'automatic
compliance' products worldwide.
But I believe the potential for this discovery can reach much
further. I'm certain that government contracts would represent a
vast additional profit silo. Standing governments can ensure
predictable election results by keeping their populations on a
steady diet of Monsanto compliance products, and lock in policies
which would ordinarily require billion-dollar marketing campaigns
to achieve. The boys in Finance have been running some cost-benefit
scenarios in order to estimate product value, and some of the
numbers are just astounding. On top of that, there's major synergy
potential for Monsanto in making supply contracts conditional on
implementing regulation roll-backs and favorable trade
By next year, I reckon, we can look forward to Monsanto's
complete ownership of the global food production and consumption
cycle. It's no secret that we've upped our market position since we
matched our herbicides and pesticides to GE seeds. Dominating the
profit potential for growing food hasn't been hard. But when it
comes to dominating the consumption profit, there's still a problem
in Old Europe, where matching willing consumers to our products has
been foiled by an excess of freedom of choice.
Some of the Luddite doomsayers are bound to start making noise
about 'ethics', but after we implement the new Gullibility
Intensifier, we should be scoring some reduced market resistance in
the UK, Germany, and those other little countries over there.
Whoever that lefty radical was who talked about "engineering
consent" -- he didn't know how right he was!
I know you share my excitement about this. Over the past years
we've wasted tremendous time and resources buying science,
advertising, and politicians to try and convince a skeptical
public, against all evidence, that Genetically Engineered products
are healthy, safe for the environment and unthreatening to the food
supply. We've all had to divert massive amounts of our precious
time to arguing that the public needn't worry about humanity's
centuries-old reliance on naturally diverse food sources being
reduced to single crops owned by a single corporation. We've had a
lot of work trying to convince people that golden rice is going to
save children from blindness despite the fact they'd practically
have to eat their weight in it every day to see any health benefit.
In Old Europe and elsewhere, I have to frankly say I've been unsure
we'd win that battle for the hearts and minds of a foolishly
traditionalist and sometimes anti-American consumer base.
Well, those days are over. We no longer have to convince the
public to trust us. We can force them to.