We haven’t mentioned our plans for a nuclear comedy lately. We’ve been working on it a long time now and are nearly ready to pitch it to a television studio. Here’s how it looks so far. This is the treatment which is the outline or synopsis…

Green Valley is your typical nuclear power station. The show’s theme tune is ‘Funky Town’. The usual things happen and hilarity ensues.

The first episode opens with our heroes reading the new poster on the staff notice board while drinking from the water cooler. The poster says ‘DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN’ and someone has spiked the water with radioactive tritium as a joke.

The security perimeter is guarded by the plant’s friendly janitors who one day have to chase off al Qaeda terrorists who have climbed a ladder and are pouring water through a hole in the roof. The plant’s security guards are incredibly paranoid. One day, when two pigeons land on the perimeter fence, the guards arrest them.

Occasionally earthquakes rock the plant but that’s not enough to distract the workers from their naps and internet porn. The site’s sharpshooters congregate in the canteen and compare how many radioactive seagulls they have shot that day.

The robots that work in the highly-radioactive nuclear waste storage facility have developed minds of their own. They keep hiding the waste from the plant’s workers. Their boss, Reactorsaurus, tries and fails to keep them in line.

Meanwhile, the workmen who have come to paint the outside of plant use heavy water from the reactor to mix the paint. After the reactor’s eighth fire, fire officers have to visit the plant to show the workers not to put flammable materials near anything hot.

There’s a PR disaster one day when the plant’s owner hold a press conference to celebrate Green Valley’s role in fighting climate change. It’s revealed the reactor is actually contributing to global warming.

A pipe has been leaking radioactive water at the plant for 14 months. The workers carry mops with them wherever they go. An accident is narrowly avoided only because one of the workers goes to the laundry room to wash his underpants and wonders where all the water on the floor came from. It is coming from the spent fuel storage pond.

(Continued on pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…)