Welcome to the inaugural Nuclear Reaction Awards 2008. As the year comes to its close we’d like to recognise those who have help make the nuclear industry the over-subsidised and under-scrutinised joke it is today.
Today’s Award: The Most Amazing Nuclear Miracle of 2008
There are many claims as to the miraculous nature of nuclear energy. That it’s clean. That it’s safe. That it’s cheap. That it’s going to help save the planet. That it’s going to help irrigate deserts. Truly, many people see it capable of some amazing things and this year was no exception.
Nuclear energy was responsible for two particularly stunning miracles this year - so stunning in fact, that we’ve decided to give them both the award.
Who could possibly forget, when in July this year, nuclear energy in India freed convicted criminals from prison and made the critically ill rise up from their beds and walk? Jaw-dropping scenes were also witnessed as India was allowed access to nuclear technology by the rest of the world without having to sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.
And who could have predicted that, on the other side of the world, nuclear energy would bestow the ability to see the future on Jukka Laaksonen, head of Finnish nuclear safety authority, STUK? Writing to Anne Lauvergeon, CEO of Areva, who are leading Finland’s disastrous Olkiluoto 3 nuclear reactor construction, Laaksonen said: ‘I have no doubts about the acceptability of the final product’.
How could Laaksonen possibly know that if he didn’t have the ability to see the future? The alternative explanation of the head of a nuclear watchdog snuggling up with the very people he’s supposed to be scrutinising is too ridiculous to contemplate.
Here’s to the nuclear energy and its miraculous properties. And here’s to more miracles in 2009. The Finnish and India nuclear industries are going to need them.